Friday, March 14, 2014

One month ago today. It was a friday.

I had a first date recently.

It was one of those days where i found myself not wanting to be alone and decided to be one of those girls who would asked a man out. And i did. I asked someone out. Someone i have never met before and barely spoke to through some messenger of the sorts and to my surprise he agreed.

It was very very awkward when i first laid eyes on him.

I had the whole evening all planned out. In my head that is.
We all know that always never works out.
It didn't.

One month ago today.
It was a friday.

We are still dating.
I have my doubts.

I openly admit i am not the easiest person for anyone to even toy with the idea of dating. I play the part of being one of the brothers' better than someone you want to wrap your arms around. I am sensitive, petty, vengeful, the works. I lose my temper in an instant. I have absolutely no tolerance for not getting things done my way. I am emotionally high maintenance and you can call me psycho bitch and i'd acknowledge you.

The thing about first dates is that there can be only 2 scenarios.
It either self destructs or it was prefect.
It didn't blow up in my face. I gave it a shot.

One month ago today.
It was a friday.

I do not know how to be your girl next door. The one that's dainty, cutesy and "defenseless" ;
The one all you men out there want to "rescue" , to take care of and so much more
I am all independent and I come with a long story.

My weak spot ;

I believe in Romance. I believe in head-over-heels.
I believe in fairy tales.

Indulge me. Humor me. Roll your eyes behind my back, the works.
Just try for crying out loud to play the part where you pretend to bother, to listen to me, to hang on to every word i say. Don't ask me where i am, tell me you missed me instead. Don't ask me what i am doing, tell me you want to go do something with me instead. Let me hold your hands the way i like it. I like my pinkie wrapped around your index finger. Let me. Don't make fun of me. Teach me. Don't laugh at me, laugh with me.

Don't interrupt me. I have a story to tell.
Don't ignore me. I am trying to let you in.

I have had walls up so high you can see it in space.
I took a brave step to open myself up to you. I don't want to. I still don't but i am.

I know its not going to work.

But whose to say I still can't try ?

One month ago today.
It was a friday.

Monday, May 15, 2006


found closure. moving along.